at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
