is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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