after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize