he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
