Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
