sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
