Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
