I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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