i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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