We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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