i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
