oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
