literally had 100 drinks last night.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
