oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
