when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
