note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
