So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
