What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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