Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
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no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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