Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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