I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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