if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
