the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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