I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This show inspires me to have sex in space
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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