yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
