Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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