my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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