life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
