we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she peed on how many people?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
