you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
