in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
