Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
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I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
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I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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