So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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