sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
