Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
