but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
