I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize