Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
