..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
