Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
