I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
