just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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