you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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