rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
