Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
