If i could tip my vagina, i would.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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