Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
