my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
His nipple licking is glorious
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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