Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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