you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
