the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
