Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.

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  (716): So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar. http://tfl.nu/a5mu
  Replies (64) Good night (6895) Bad night (783)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...

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  (231): I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name... http://tfl.nu/p31n
  Replies (9) Good night (4595) Bad night (1254)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.

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  (702): Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better. http://tfl.nu/sd76
  Replies (11) Good night (4910) Bad night (1381)
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  (626): View more from California

  Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.

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  (626): Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment. http://tfl.nu/ewer
  Replies (10) Good night (2881) Bad night (1260)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?

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  (301): Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos? http://tfl.nu/uo60
  Replies (42) Good night (2912) Bad night (1074)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.

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  (804): well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd. http://tfl.nu/39zt
  Replies (2) Good night (2670) Bad night (961)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient

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  (479): Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient http://tfl.nu/pvik
  Replies (5) Good night (877) Bad night (1467)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.

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  (303): I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes. http://tfl.nu/g3e8
  Replies (4) Good night (1157) Bad night (529)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands

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  (303): We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands http://tfl.nu/8ws6
  Replies (2) Good night (633) Bad night (983)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?

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  (425): Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism? http://tfl.nu/s1hj
  Replies (7) Good night (698) Bad night (550)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.

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  (301): Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows. http://tfl.nu/8j3i
  Replies (2) Good night (1184) Bad night (487)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  What's the mantra for Sunday?

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I will not have sex with him.

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  (502): What's the mantra for Sunday? (606): I will not have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/xixk
  Replies (2) Good night (928) Bad night (458)
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  (562): View more from California

  I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"

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  (562): I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am" http://tfl.nu/p2nz
  Replies (3) Good night (924) Bad night (348)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.

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  (862): That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth. http://tfl.nu/z1m3
  Replies (0) Good night (688) Bad night (353)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.

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  (402): I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that. http://tfl.nu/8nt2
  Replies (3) Good night (279) Bad night (507)

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