I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not