So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.