Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What drink are we having for lunch?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize