So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
