So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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