The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
