After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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