remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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