There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
