So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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