no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
