please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
