he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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