she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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