we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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