real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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