I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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