I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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