That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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