I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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