Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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