is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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