Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
