3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
