I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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